She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
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