Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
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