he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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