ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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