I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
