paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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