Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
