Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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