Me. At least after what I've been through.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
