I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you would pick up someone in the library
her facebook's as public as her vagina
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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