Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
