y did u give ur computer a hand job?
this beer tastes like vomit already
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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