Pappa wants mamma naked
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
