Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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