oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
