Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
