some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
