my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
