I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The air was thick with penises
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
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