Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
