all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
