real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
