So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
