yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
