the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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