i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize