don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My dick has a subreddit
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
