I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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