hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
