Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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