I just made out with a guy for $7.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
