Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
