Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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