I wish I could teleport
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
