i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
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If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
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She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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