you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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