im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
