ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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