good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
