my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
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I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
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I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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