Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
