she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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