Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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