Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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