I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
