Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
