hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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