Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
