Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
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The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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