Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I'm both gender and math confused
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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