I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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