Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Ladies don't puke and tell
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
