Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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