all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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