someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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