Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
don't judge my taste in strippers
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
