she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
