the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
