i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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