so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
