So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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