And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
