looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
