I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
