Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
