Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
