my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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