The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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