Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
