When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
