On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
